The Atheist Bongo of Love!
Matt Edwards
From: "Satan"
To: "Positive Atheism"
Subject: application :)
Date: Thursday, June 29, 2000 12:11 PM
#1 ANTI-CHRIST
APPLICATION
Name: Matt Edwards
Length of time as an Atheist: 3 years (I'm a youngin)
Former religion (if any): <GAG> Catholic
Number of times per week you tell someone you're atheist: 4 (much more if you include people seeing my tattoo...)
Number and description of Atheist bumper stickers: don't have a car...but I have Atheist stickers on my bongo..it's covered..it's the Atheist Bongo of Love! Plus, as an added bonus: I have the glorious word Atheist tattooed across my stomach in GIGANTIC old german lettering!!! Very easy to read! :)
Current or former political affiliation (if any): none really...whatever candidate lies the least..hehehe
What would you would do, if elected #1 Anti-Christ to stop further religious intrusion into our private lives:
1) Tax religion as the big business it is -- that would rid the US of the deficit!
2) Launch a full scale investigation against Pat Robertson and all his clones with the tax money I would collect from him: sweet irony!
3) Create a Seperation of Church and State Commission to keep creationism out of schools and all other religious nonsense -- on a related note: I would remove the "god" from our pledge and money cuz it's a BLATANT constitutional violation!!!
4)a. Put forth a HUGE portion of the budget to science education -- full scale remodelling of science rooms -- make them into the shining temples of knowledge that they are!
b. Institute much tighter control in schools...stricter rules, mandatory uniforms...todays schools are a joke...just gang signs and drugs.
5) Set up Atheistic chapters in every city...big, grand beautiful buildings with information on all religion and the destruction and misery it has caused throughout history.
6) Set up Atheist TV which would educate people on the contradictions, errors and bad science that the bible and all other supposed "holy" books contain.
Describe why you think you are uniquely qualified for the position (attach extra pages if needed)
I make this brief. I think I am uniqely qualified because I am smart, attractive, charming and would put a bit of the street into my Atheistic politics. Conversely, I have enough anger to have the desire to defend my rights and the rights of other downtrodden groups. But enough love to not be a dictator, but instead institue programs of change and hard hitting reforms where they are needed to help our communities reach the point of greatness that should have attained a long time ago!
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