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Tax the FUCK out of the churches!
Beware of the fish people, they are the true enemy.
The language and concepts contained herein are
guaranteed not to cause eternal torment in the
place where the guy with the horns and pointed
stick conducts his business.
I don't think there's a problem. First of all, I don't think music turns people into social liabilities. Because you hear a lyric -- there's no medical proof that a person hearing a lyric is going to act out the lyric. There's also no medical proof that if you hear any collection of vowels and consonants, that the hearing of that collection is going to send you to Hell.
It has never mattered to me that thirty million people might think I'm wrong.
The number of people who thought Hitler was right did not make him right...
Those Jesus Freaks
Well, I believe that those energies and processes exist. I just don't think that they've been adequately described or adequately named yet, because people are too willing to make it all into something that supports a religious theory of one flavor or another. If you start defining these things in nuts-and-bolts scientific terms, people reject it because it's not fun, y'know. It takes some of the romance out of being dead ... because of people's desires to have eternal life and to extend their influence from beyond the grave ... all that Houdini type stuff ... but basically, I think when you're dead ... you're dead. It comes with the territory.
There is no hell. There is only France.
The other factor that people forget about the southern region is the amount of intermarriage that has already occured there, and so there are certain genetic defects come to the fore when you have a large intermarriage population. That means regression.... And in fact Utah is another state, which is basically owned by the Mormon church, which also has a lot of intermarriage. And because this type of intermarriage there is a large proportion of blind people in Utah. That's why when you go across the street, instead of just a stop light that you can see, they have stop lights that make a cuckoo noise to tell you when to cross the street -- that's true!
Remember there's a big difference between kneeling down and bending over.
The whole foundation of Christianity is based on the idea that intellectualism is the work of the Devil. Remember the apple on the tree? Okay, it was the Tree of Knowledge. "You eat this apple, you're going to be as smart as God. We can't have that."
The essence of Christianity is told to us in the Garden of Eden history. The fruit that was forbidden was on the Tree of Knowledge. The subtext is, All the suffering you have is because you wanted to find out what was going on. You could be in the Garden of Eden if you had just kept your fucking mouth shut and hadn't asked any questions.
So, when Adam and Eve were in the Garden of Eden, if you go for all these fairy tales, that "evil" woman convinced the man to eat the apple, but the apple came from the Tree of Knowledge. And the punishment that was then handed down, the woman gets to bleed and the guy's got to go to work, is the result of a man desiring, because his woman suggested that it would be a good idea, that he get all the knowledge that was supposedly the property and domain of God. So, that right away sets up Christianity as an anti-intellectual religion. You never want to be that smart. If you're a woman, it's going to be running down your leg, and if you're a guy, you're going to be in the salt mines for the rest of your life. So, just be a dumb fuck and you'll all go to heaven. That's the subtext of Christianity.
Anybody hear the great news, today? Jimmy Swaggart under investigation! Oh Ja-eezus! One day every one of those cocksuckers will get caught! I understand in the case of Mr. Swaggart, that he claims that it was not multiple encounters with many prostitutes -- apparently, only one sweet young thing. And he did tell Cal Thomas of the Moral Majority that the sex act itself was not fully consumated. However he did admit to doing something por-no-graphic with the girl. Let's use our imaginations, ladies and gentlemen.
Get smart and I'll fuck you over -- sayeth The Lord.
Children are naïve -- they trust everyone. School is bad enough, but, if you put a child anywhere in the vicinity of a church, you're asking for trouble.
In every language, the first word after "Mama!" that every kid learns to say
is "Mine!" A system that doesn't allow ownership, that doesn't allow you to
say "Mine!" when you grow up, has -- to put it mildly -- a fatal design flaw.
My best advice to anyone who wants to raise a happy, mentally healthy child is: Keep him or her as far away from a church as you can.
Yeah, I tell them to change the channel if they see some guy in a brown suit with a telephone number at the bottom of the screen asking for money.
I think you should leave it up to the parent, because not all
parents want to keep their children totally ignorant.
If your children ever find out how lame you really are, they'll
gonna murder you in your sleep.
Why doncha come on over to the house and I'll show 'em to ya?
Consider for a moment any beauty in the name Ralph.
People make a lot of fuss about my kids having such supposedly 'strange names',
but the fact is that no matter what first names I might have given them,
it is the last name that is going to get them in trouble.
The last election just laid the foundation of the next 500 years of Dark Ages.
Let's not be too tough on our own ignorance. It's the thing that makes America great. If America weren't incomparably ignorant, how could we have tolerated the last eight years?
Scientology, how about that? You hold on to the tin cans and then this guy asks you a bunch of questions, and if you pay enough money you get to join the master race. How's that for a religion?
There are more love songs than anything else. If songs could make you do something we'd all love one another.
I wrote a song about dental floss but did anyone's teeth get cleaner?
Bad facts make bad law, and people who write bad laws are in my opinion more dangerous than songwriters who celebrate sexuality.
The establishment of a rating system, voluntary or otherwise, opens the door to an endless parade of moral quality control programs based on things certain Christians do not like. What if the next bunch of Washington wives demands a large yellow "J" on all material written or performed by Jews, in order to save helpless children from exposure to concealed Zionist doctrine?
There is no such thing as a dirty word. Nor is there a word so powerful, that it's going to send the listener to the lake of fire upon hearing it.
Information doesn't kill you.
May your shit come to life and kiss you on the face.
You can't always write a chord ugly enough to say what you want to say, so sometimes you have to rely on a giraffe filled with whipped cream.
Anyone who is disturbed by the idea of newts in a nightclub is potentially dangerous.
You've got to be digging it while it's happening 'cause it just might be a one shot deal.
If you wind up with a boring, miserable life because you listened to your mom, your dad, your teacher, your priest or some guy on TV telling you how to do your shit, then YOU DESERVE IT
Whatever you have to do to have a good time, let's get on with it, so long as it doesn't cause a murder.
So long as somebody gets a laugh out of it, what the fuck?
The crux of the biscuit is: If it entertains you, fine. Enjoy it. If it doesn't, then blow it out your ass. I do it to amuse myself. If I like it, I release it. If somebody else likes it, that's a bonus.
It's fucking great to be alive, ladies and gentlemen, and if you do not believe it is fucking great to be alive, you better go now, because this show will bring you down so much.
The whole Universe is a large joke.
Well Mike, I'm abnormal.
I never set out to be wierd. It was always the other people who called me wierd.
Nobody looks good with brown lipstick on.
The Subtle Fulmination of the Encircled Sea
Please Feel Free
Grab some quotes to embellish your web site,
Use them to introduce the chapters of a book or
Poster your wall! Graffiti your (own) fence.
Get a few friends together, memorize a bunch of
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