Jerry "Edits" a Gideon's

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... and They Want This Thing in Public Schools!?
-- or --
Discovering the Good Parts of the 'Good Book'

(What Good Parts!?)

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Oh, how I wish you could have been there. A very popular Portland, Oregon TV show called "Town Hall" had several of the Cable-Access producers who really push the envelope of free speech as guests last Sunday. One of these wild and wacky shows is none other than my favorite, "Bunk Busters." Of course, the main reason for my partiality is that I, myself, am the Head Buster of that religious drivel which Thomas Edison called "pure bunk."

Anyhow, about 15 minutes into the show, the moderator stated, "What do you think about a person who tears up Bibles on TV?" He showed a clip of me doing just that, then innocently ambled over to me and asked, "Why do you do that?"

(I had been laying for him, heh, heh, heh.)

"Because", I practically shouted as I pulled out yet another Gideon Bible (liberated from a Mid-Western motel room) and ripping out handfuls of pages at a time, "first I tear out the pornographic part [R-R-R-R-R-R-Rip!], then I tear out the blood-and-guts violence [R-R-Rip! R-R-Rip!], then I tear out the teachings of hatred, bigotry, and gross injustice [R-R-R-R-Rip!], then I tear out the non-historical part [R-R-R-Rip!], then I tear out the unscientific part (R-R-Rip!), and then I don't have anything left. That's why."

The moderator practically fled from me (probably hoping that he wasn't grounded through his microphone wire, fearful of the lightning bolt which was about to strike that wicked Atheist and anyone stupid enough to be near him -- innocent or guilty). Then another member of the audience started yelling, "Blasphemy! Blasphemy!" I shouted back, "Now, there's a victimless crime!" And then the show really started cooking but sadly the moderator never brought his microphone anywhere near me for the rest of the show.

I told a friend of mine later that if I had hired someone to act like a religious nut and say something really stupid -- just so I would look good in comparison -- I would have hired a person to yell out "Blasphemy!" But you don't have to hire anyone to act like a religious zany and say stupid things. They do it without coaching. And for free!

-- Jerry Billings

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Jerry Billings 'Edits' a Gideon's

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Jerry Billings ''Edits'' a Gideons (1 lf 4)

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Jerry Billings ''Edits'' a Gideons (2 lf 4)
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Jerry Billings ''Edits'' a Gideons (3 lf 4)
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Jerry Billings ''Edits'' a Gideons (4 lf 4)

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artwork by Tim Sullivan
used with permission

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